Can a writer make you laugh with one sentence, cry with the next, and then laugh again while the tears are still running down your face? Yes, as long as they are less than 11 years old. Here are some of the gems I picked off the live feed of Santa’s emails.
Don’t get dirty in the chimney or Mrs. Santa will be mad when she has to wash your coat. – Alex, 3, Butler, Pennsylvania.
I could have sworn this was going to be a naughty email
Hi Santa, we enjoying having your magical elf staying with us, only Mom & Dad can see him. I am really trying to be good but it’s hard sometimes with two brothers. – Biancha, 8, Calgary, Alberta.
Your ma and pa are lying bastards kid
Watch out for the wallabies and kangaroos and snakes when you come here! They won’t hurt you Santa! – Amy, 4, Brisbane, Australia.
Where do you buy the nose polish for Rudolph’s nose? I’d like to get some too and try it. – Kyle, 8, Portal, Georgia.
I have been a very nice, polite boy. Especially lately!!!! I’ll leave some cookies out – Cameron, 4, Brooks, Alberta.
Thats right kid, seal the deal with a bribe
Please make sure the reindeers eat all their carrots, tops too! becauase they’re veggies are good for them! – Tara, 5, Hartselle, Alabama.
I know the hockey stuff is really expensive, but my parents can send you some money. They are willing to work it out if you are. please Santa? – Dylan, 9, Colstrip, Montana.
Dear Smartass future lawyer…
If a reindeer gets sick take my brother to help pull the sleigh. He’s hyperactive anyway! – Devin, 8, St. Petersburg, Florida.
Dear future Nike outsourcing agent, child labour is illegal..hence the elves
Are there like any really cute elves at the North Pole? My older sister wants to know!! – Samantha, 5, Lincoln, Pennsylvania.
SANTA CLAUS PLESE SEND ME MY GIFTS I NEED THEM AND I WANT THEM AND I AM POOR. I AM NOT ASHAMED OF THAT I AM VERY HAPPY OF WHO I AM EVEN THOUGH I AM LITTLE AND POOR SANTA I LOVE YOU!!! – Felix, 4, Brooklyn, New York.
Dear little and poor, I love you too!
l would like if you to bring a toy for my little friend at school, they don’t have alot of money, so if you can’t l can give her one fo mine
– Christine, 6, Ottawa, Ontario.
Can I have an offical certificate saying that I been good this year?
– Calvin, 6, Basle, Switzerland.
I’m moving on Dec. 21st. Please call my daddy for directions if you don’t know where my house is.
– Ashley, 5, Ladera Ranch, California.
We are helping my Nana get better (I’m in charge of pillows!). I wasn’t too sure if you’d know ewhere to find me so mommy left a note for you telling you where. She put the note where your treats usually are. – Aron, 4, Chicago, Illinois.
Thanks for last year and please don’t forget my cousin. She can’t help but be bad. – Meg, 6, Sydney, Australia.
I know your elves only make toys, but I wish they could find a cure for my brain tumor. Maybe you could put a good word in for me with the angels? I don’t need any toys. – Madison, 11, Washington, District of Columbia.
Dear Santa, all we want is for the new baby in Mommy’s tummy to be a girl. Mommy said if she has another boy she is going to nail down the furniture!- Kelsey, 9, Trophy Club, Texas.
My dog is sorry he barked at your reindeer. – John, 9, Whitehouse, Texas.