I found it! Less than two weeks in my new barrio Barceloneta, I have found the perfect local bar.
It satisfies almost all my criteria-
1. Close to home. About 3 minutes walk around the corner.
2. Free WiFi available
3. Chilled out bartender who doesn’t care how long you nurse a drink
4. Artsy and intellectual looking clients
5. Chock full of endlessly diverting bric-a-brac
6. Life-sized absinthe fairy suspended from the cieling
The (possible) downers-
1. It turned out to not be the 1 Euro beer bar we were actually looking for
2. The artsy and intellectual looking clients
3. The bartender’s refusal to let us take the fairy home